Today, we’re happy to feature an exclusive interview with the chair-cat of the Lower Austrian branch of Obese Cats Anonymous (OCA), Mr. Baghira Hennessy Angelo Lincoln Petrowitsch, MPc (Master of Professional Cuddling).
Hattori & Hanzo: Mr. Petrowitsch, thank you for taking the time to speak with us today. We hope that this commitment doesn’t affect your sleep schedule negatively. Tell us a little bit about your engagement with the OCA.
Baghira P.: I’m glad to be here. Obesity really isn’t fun for both cats and their two-legged housemates. I used to be obese myself, weighing almost 9kg not too long ago. I was very lethargic and slept most of the day. It was a viscous circle; I ate and felt exhausted so I ate more, which made me feel even more awful.
H & H: What prompted you to start a weight-loss program?
B. P.: I have to really thank my two-legged housemate Stephanie’s granddaughter Marlies because she said the situation had to change. I had just dislocated my shoulder by jumping down from the couch and felt quite miserable. Stephanie always thought my fat belly looked cute and said that her friend Renate’s cat was even fatter than me, so she really downplayed my problem. Anyway, I really needed help. My diet changed completely and at first I didn’t like it at all. Marlies tried to explain everything in detail, but of course I didn’t want to listen. I just wanted unhealthy food, and a lot of it too. My new food was made from 100% real meat instead of carbohydrates and meat-by-products, but my body was craving the additives and artificial flavors.
H & H: You are right, we are still very little, but we already know that cats need food that mimics a mouse. Mice don’t contain a significant amount of carbohydrates, so our stomachs are not built to process them. But of course “regular” cat food doesn’t actually contain a lot of meat because it would be too expensive. Blame capitalism!
B.P.: Exactly, so because my “regular” cat food mainly contained ingredients I couldn’t process, I felt exhausted and had no energy. It only took a few days after switching to 100% real meat cat food until I felt more active and was able to work out for a few minutes. As I started losing more and more weight, I began to enjoy playing and running around in the garden. I’ve already lost more than 2kg.
H & H: Wow, what a success story, especially considering your age, 14 years.
B.P.: Thank you. But I couldn’t have done it without all the support I received. Stephanie always told Marlies: “oh come on, he doesn’t want to play any more, he’s too old.” The truth is that I haven’t felt this good in a very long time.
H & H: Confidential sources slipped us information that you are afraid of toy mice. Do you want to comment on these allegations?
B.P.: I also got an upset stomach from eating expired bugs once, so what?
H & H: Haha, you are hilarious. Thank you for being so honest with us. Our readers will appreciate it. Is it true that you have a very unusual hobby, puking hairballs on Persian carpets?
B.P.: Well, I don’t know if you can call it a hobby. Stephanie has the whole living room covered with those old dusty carpets. I thought if I repeatedly threw up on them, she’d replace them with shiny new Russian flying massage carpets. Haha, basically I just do it to test if she still likes me.
H & H: You watch too much TV, Mr. Petrowitsch. But us cats are very cute indeed, so it is hard not to love us. Let us get back to our topic of obesity though. Do you have weak moments?
B.P.: Yes, those certainly exist and you have to accept that they happen from time to time. Sometimes when I am really hungry, I pretend I am starving very badly when the first two-legged cat gets out of bed in the morning. I do the same with all the other ones. When I’m lucky, I get up to three pouches of food before they figure out my strategy.
H & H: Very sneaky. But you deserve it. All the best for the future and your continued weight-loss.
B.P.: Thank you, it was a pleasure.
B. Petrowitsch before losing weight
B. Petrowitsch now
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