Purr-fect Elections?

Dear readers, 

first, we must sincerely apologize for not commenting on last Sunday’s Austrian elections earlier. We take politics in our future home country very seriously, but we were occupied with learning how to use the stairs, chasing our four-legged mommy’s tail, and playing with lens caps and feather dusters. 

Overall, we are very disappointed in the results because the Four Paws Party (FPP) did not get enough signatures to compete in the elections in the first place. Nobody realizes how hard it is to hold a pen with a paw and produce a legible signature. Try using your toes, my two-legged friends. Anyway, of course we were very impressed with the party’s manifesto, which stipulated:

1. It should be compulsory for two-legged housemates to cuddle with their cats at least two hours a day during the week and three hours on weekends. 
2. All computers of the household, especially warm ones that are in the process of being used, are actually the cats’ property. 
3. Cats should be fed with delicious food whenever they are hungry. 
4. It is acceptable for a cat to wake up his or her two-legged housemate(s) at all times, even during the night, if they feel they urgently need affection. Acceptable “wake-up calls” are licking the two-legged friend, walking on him/her and meow-ing pitifully.  
5. Toys need to be provided whenever the two-legged housemate is not home. These can include fake mice, fabric balls, boxes, and many more. 

Of course we followed the election campaign very closely in spite of our party’s unsuccessful candidature. Occasionally, we fell asleep during TV confrontations – we’re cats after all— but we loved “Wahlfahrt,” where Hanno Settele of the Austrian television station ORF drove the candidates around Austria in a Mercedes oldtimer, that funnily broke down in the last episode.  

Our favorite episode was the first one, featuring Bucher and Strohsack (straw sack- rumors are that this is Stronach’s birth name). Bucher (BZÖ- Alliance for the Future of Austria), wearing Lederhosen, came across as very sociable, easy-going and friendly. He chatted with Settele very casually, with both of them laughing and giggling a lot. Suddenly, Settele pulled over the black Benz and announced he had a surprise for Bucher. Both of them got out of the car and Settele made Bucher stand next to one of his campaign posters (below). He demanded: “Mimic the facial impression you have on the poster.” Bucher, however hard he tried, couldn’t look as grumpy as he did in the picture. He could only laugh more. Even though we don’t agree with his party’s right wing politics, we must say we are saddened he didn’t manage to get a seat in parliament. 

We loved all the campaign posters, primarily because the majority of them looked ridiculous. Recently, we heard someone say Faymann looked like he was plotting to avenge the theft of the chocolate Easter bunny he was saving for a meeting with chocolate Santa Clause later in the year. We would like to point out though that, of course, we were very excited to see four-legged friends (sheep) pictured on some of the Green Party’s posters, but for the future we would suggest involving cats in the next election campaign. We are way cuter.

Lastly, even though we are “blue,” we are strongly opposed to the Freedom Party’s right-wing politics (the party colors are blue). As cute German-Polish four-legged citizens of the EU, we think the Freedom Party’s populist slogans are ridiculous. All two-legged friends are equal, as long as they are willing to cuddle with us. We sincerely hope that the party, which got over 20% in the elections, won’t be part of the government because it isn’t too easy for us to leave the country if we’re unhappy with politics in the country. Let's hope our Four Paws Party will be more successful at the next elections in 2018. 

Bucher

Faymann